Dating for Dummies: “You don’t have a gf? Then?”

Dating for Dummies: “You don’t have a gf? Then?”

A couple of, obviously bored stiff from their minds, stare intently at their smart phones in a Seoul restaurant. The talk that is small if you have any, is painful to eavesdrop on. Despite their matching clothing, ubiquitous few bands, and obligatory selfies together, they appear to have small in typical. So just why the frequency of these pairings that are awkward the coffee stores of Seoul?

“You don’t have gf? Why don’t you?” is most likely the essential question that is common males have expected in South Korea. Dating is just a fairly simple endeavour and there’s absolutely no explanation never to do so, as my South Korean housemate constantly reminds me personally. Dating Г  la corГ©enne is paid down to checking items off an inventory, after a textbook of do’s and don’ts. You are given by me the lowdown:

The Introduction

The way that is easiest to satisfy females is by your buddy: he can expose you to some one he knows and put up a sogaeting — a pre-arranged date. Instead, you should use a sogaeting app. When both both you and your prospective gf have actually agreed on a night out together, make sure to dress to wow. Then visit Gangnam. Italian restaurants or VIPS would be the standard fare for times. If you’re uncertain on how to confer with your date, don’t worry and simply prepare some topics beforehand: sites with guides and video lessons abound.

The Meetup

Whom foots the balance? Why you, needless to say. Her duties are restricted to spending money on after-dinner coffee, but only when the date goes well and you also go to Round Two. Even my gallant housemate admits to hating the obligatory dinner purchase but feels he “has no choice”. The‘after-message’ to confirm interest is vital after the date ends and you have arrived back home. See right here for well-documented successful techniques. But don’t forget that timing is important and that the message must be sent within half an hour to one hour following the end for the date to make sure optimal success!

The Confession

Now if things are getting efficiently and also you have an interest in her own, make sure to formalise the offer with a love ‘confession’. It doesn’t matter how long you have got invested together, not to mention everything you have done together, things aren’t settled and soon you emerge rock both of you are ‘official’. Tell her “I like youu bluntly” or ask, “Do you want to get constant?” If she hesitates to respond to, just get back to “The Introduction” part with this article and start all over again. Until your confession of real love is accepted by some body, it really is permissible to see one or more girl at any given time. It really is referred to as eojang gwalli — ‘managing your seafood stock’.

But if she takes your heartfelt plea, you have got simply entered as a relationship also it’s time for you to get severe.


Success! You now have gf, a marker of or both. But it is not the sugar daddy meet finish. It is now time for you to purchase matching shoes, few rings, exchange hourly texts, work with a ‘selfie-stick’, head to parks, visit coffee shops, search for pet cafés. In a nutshell, the number of choices are endless.


Needless to say, an individual will be ‘going steady’, the cinema is vital. Areas have also popped up to improve and diversify the knowledge, with premium couple-seats being offered. Benefit from the connection with staring blankly at a display for two hours, peppered every now and then with gruesome scenes that automatically prompt hand-clutching, which gives her the reassurance that oppa will be here.

Wedding Anniversaries

As time goes by, you need to commemorate some time together: seven days, 30 days, 100 times… Such milestones confirm the status that is healthy of and produce a feeling of accomplishment.

100th time current to gf. Guidance please

^^“Please can somebody advise me personally on which to supply my gf for the 100th time

We shall reach our 100 times week that is together next however with just a few days to spare, I’m just starting to bother about things to offer her .ㅜ.ㅡ Letters and plants will be the norm, however if there’s other things other than that I’d appreciate some advice. Exactly exactly just What do other dudes often give on their day that is 100th?? By the way, she’s 24”. Supply: Daum tip forum


Ideally earlier than later on, you will choose be intimate. Don’t stress though. That’s all looked after besides. Love motels provide a sex that is all-inclusive, perhaps maybe maybe not least the welcome pack containing condoms, lube, and desensitizing cream for those who are extremely eager. Without doubt, the couple that is savvy know which sites and apps to utilize for discount rates.

The Fact

My housemate is appropriate. With all you need to do conveniently and simply organized for your needs, here really isn’t any reason to not date. (Love, but, is optional.) The pity to be branded a motaesollo — “a loner since conception” — is after all most readily useful avoided and just how safer to do this than by stepping into a relationship? However in numerous situations, the thing I see is a pricey ritualised performance of courtship: a prescribed group of inevitable events marching toward the ultimate objective — wedding.

But until then, dating is anticipated if one really wants to avoid fees of impotence, deviance, or homosexuality. In reality, some gay South Korean friends turn to using a ‘couple ring’ in the office to imagine these are generally right and in a relationship, while they should be. It really works like no bodies business, i will be told.

We sometimes have the South Korean scene that is dating such as for instance a Petri meal: a synthetic environment containing most of the right nutrients to market the fast cultivation of partners. Valentine’s Day, White Day, Pepero Day, the 100-day anniversary… All are grotesque reminders of exactly how relationship in Southern Korea happens to be commodified based on some ideal of Western middle-class romance, and repackaged in to a kitschy item that is must-have.

When it comes to hopeless few in the restaurant, they truly are both ‘in need’ of a relationship — and status and normalcy it confers. So that they date one another away from convenience, expectation, and maybe — when you look at the scenario that is best-case a way of measuring love. But irrespective, in the middle of such pressures that are extreme conform to societal ‘norms’ and perform set functions, they turn society’s desires within their desires, in addition they continue steadily to agree with the consumerism of love.

Raphael Rashid authored this short article.

For lots more on dating tradition in Southern Korea, read:

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